IT'S SEAGAL YA'LL!: LAWMAN

I've found the greatest thing since sliced bread; and it's doughy Steven Seagal ... Lawman! Seagal, the big, wooden action martial arts star of the 80's & 90's, has come back in a big, big fat way; he's a reality star! Whoever green lit this over at A&E TV is a genius! I've never really been a fan of Seagal's (maybe because he was lucky enough to marry Kelly Lebrock of the 80's WEIRD SCIENCE movie?) and I think reality TV is just another sign of the apocalypse... but together, it's just PURE MAGIC!

Like they say in Louisiana, "we do things are own way down here"...  like making Seagal a chief deputy sheriff (or something like that?) Legend (or A&E's press release) has it, "the big man" has been leading a double life as a lawman for the past 20 years, when he wasn't making direct to dvd movies (boy, the press can really keep a secret down south, can't they?) Seagal with a crack squad of gumbo filled po-licemen, cruise Jefferson Parish (Nawlins' adjacent) in unmarked dark suv's looking for bad folks, doin' bad things!

Seagal has never been this entertaining in any of his movies, as he is playing, some kinda southern version of himself... this is a gig that Elvis (HAPPY BIRTHDAY KING!) would have given all his honorary badges for! Yes, it's just the TV show COPS with Steven Seagal, but it's really sooooo much more! How surreal would it be, to be a "crackhead" being busted by your pre-crackhead boyhood action man hero; Steven Seagal? I'm just waiting for the episode where he starts quoting Strother Martin, "What we have here, is faliure to communicate!"

I especially love it when Seagal has to take his 250 pounds out of the car to chase a suspect, not since William Conrad played TV detective CANNON back in the 70's has this kinda crime watching been sooooo much fun (not that I'm sayin' Conrad was a real crime fighter, like Seagal mind you.) You think Seagal's kidding around about bein' a lawman? Man, he cut off his famous samurai ponytail... that's how you know!