MACHETE: What! No Oscar Nominations?

IS MACHETE!!

For best performance by an actor in a lead role... Danny Trejo; Machete... wouldn't that be way cool? I just watched this new macho classic; MACHETE. My old friend Bill, had highly recommended this flick, and I had really meant to catch it in the theater... well, it came out this week on DVD! And for me, MACHETE did not disappoint! Based on a phony 70's exploitation trailer featured in director Robert Rodriguez's 2007 grindhouse feature; PLANET TERROR. The bogus trailer proved to be more popular than his actual movie!

Director Rodriguez and Danny Trejo.

Rodriguez wisely decided to finally give Danny Trejo his due. Trejo's, one of director Rodriguez's favorite stock players in such films as; Desperado, Dusk Till Dawn.  He plays the title role in this drive-in epic (if they were still around) for all it's worth. As the legendary Machete, a incorruptible Mexican Federale (really!) who proves that he's not just a pretty face... and they don't call this guy Machete for nothing! You'll probably never see so many severed body parts in any movie on either side of the border.  Machete, is one of the most ultra-macho, over the top, gonzo movies that can recall ever seeing?... but for a guy who grew up with macho films like;Sergio Leone's A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS, or Sam Peckinpah's BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA... it's just what the doctor ordered. Granted Rodriguez is no Leone or Peckinpah... but he is Rodriguez, and like Edmund O'Brien said to Robert Ryan at the end of THE WILD BUNCH; "It ain't like it used to be, but it'll do.

Segal slips into David Carradine territory!

Like most of Rodriguez's films, Machete is basically a modern day western (again fine with me.) And like his other movies, it's filled with incredibly "hot" women and a shit load of assorted nasty characters. All are after Machete, who has been living as an illegal day laborer on the Texas side of the boarder, after a double-cross that costs him his badge and his wife, her head!

My Files Show: This is the Hottest Immigration Agent on Record!

Michelle Rodriguez : My Kinda Taco Truck Gal!

The 60 something Trejo's love interests are; Jessica Alba as a "hot" immigration agent (featuring a very nice shot of her standing in a shower! Bravo, director Rodriguez!) Michelle Rodriguez (no relation to the director, as a "hot" taco truck lady and Lidsey Lohan (pretty much playing... you guessed it? Herself... if you get my drift?)

As nice as these ladies are to look at; I think that the most fun is seeing Rodriguez's assortment of bad guys... seeing all these familiar (some now fat) faces chewing up the scenery is a hoot. First you have Bobby De Niro (the greatest actor his generation) hammy it up as a redneck U.S. Senator, complete with a LBJ Stetson cowboy hat (he must have did this one as a favor to Trejo? Who played one of his crew in HEAT.) Big Steven Segal (and I do mean; BIG!) plays Torres, a Mexican drug kingpin (in the 70's & 80's this part would have been played by David Carradine) who was once Machete's Federale partner, before going over to the dark side and eating way too many tacos. Just to hear him speak Spanish is worth the price of the DVD rental alone! In the opening credits, he's billed as, introducing Don Johnson (why ask?) another guy a long way away from his 1980's sex symbol glory days. He plays a deranged black clad (and still looks fat in black?) redneck, who patrols the border with his mirrored sunglasses and "Elvis sideburns" looking for illegals along with his vigilante posse.

Yes, Virgina... introducing Don Johnson!

Villains: Fahey and Trejo's loyal pal, Bobby D.

This Former Pretty Boy Actor, makes a Hell of a Bad Guy!!

Cult actor, Tom Savini makes an appearance as a hit man who advertises his services on TV. My favorite of the bunch is Jeff Fahey (LAWNMOWER MAN) as De Niro's evil right hand man, who has aspirations of his own, as well as impure thoughts about daughter Lohan. This is a role that would have been played in the exploitation heyday by Stuart Whitman. All these guys are wonderful villains (although I'd like to get a couple of them on a major diet and a strict work out plan!) And add Cheech Marin as Machete's priest "bro" and you got yourself a party!

These ain't for making carne asada!

But make no mistake; Machete is Danny Trejo's flick. With  marvelous craggy face and all them crazy tattoos, it's no wonder that this 60-something actor is doing love scenes with, Alba, Rodriguez and Lohan (Hey! Some cats are ageless!) Oh, and one more thing... "Machete don't text."

THE SAW IS FAMILY: THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2

IT'S ALL ABOUT FAMILY

When I was a kid I loved the classic monster movies, they were a staple to my movie viewing diet. But as I got older “my diet” changed, I didn’t need to be scared or maybe I just didn’t scare that easily? But every October, I just feel the need to watch some fn horror films. Yesterday, I stopped off at my local all purpose electronic warehouse store to see what I could find? And for the right price of $4.99, I found THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 (THE GRUESOME EDITION!) I remember renting this picture back in the 80’s when it was first released on video, and thoroughly enjoying it.  

HORROR MASTER TOBE HOOPER

Was it was as crazy and deranged as I remembered? (Maybe even more so?) I remember seeing the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE at my local movie house when I was a kid (and have not seen it since.)  That film started a whole new genre of scare flicks; “the slasher movie” Directed by TOBE HOOPER, the first film almost had a creepy documentary feel to it. Massacre 2 is more like a carnival fun-house ride, with plenty of laughs to break up the gore. The film set up;  it’s been over a decade since the original murders of the first movie, the crazed clan of psychotic cannibals (JIM SIEDOW, BILL MOSELY and BILL JOHNSON) now do there work out of a highway amusement park called Texas Battleground Land. 

Bill Moseley's steel-plated head shines as "Crop Top"

  

The trio is kind of a crazed version of “Three Stooges” with “Cook” (Siedow) as its “Moe.”  Siedow is one funny old bastard. In a parallel universe his performance would be worthy of an Oscar. He’s a man who loves making his award-winning chili (any guess what his secret ingredient is?) Cook has a food truck that he and the boys tool around Texas with (which makes me laugh considering the current food truck craze.) Moseley’s character of “Chop Top” is so wild, jerky and freaky; now I know where “Beetlejuice” got his act from (he’s the scariest of the three.) Bill Johnson, takes over Gunnar Hansen’s role of the chainsaw wielding “Leatherface.”  When he’s not taking a chainsaw to someone’s body, Johnson almost gives the character a gentle giant turn (I also enjoy his little chainsaw dance.)

  

CAROLINE WILLIAMS FLIRTS WITH LEATHERFACE

 And what’s a slasher movie without an attractive screaming heroine? Chainsaw 2 has perhaps my all-time favorite CAROLINE WILLIAMS. In the Texas natives film debut, she really goes for it! Williams plays "Stretch" a rural late night D.J. who unfortunately is also the favorite of the murderous SAWYER FAMILY.  In her little “Daisy Dukes” she runs and screams all over the place, she even has a love scene of sorts with Leatherface while wearing a human skinned face mask of her former co-worker;YUCK! (Special appreciation to special effects wiz (and sometimes actor) Tom Savini.

Dennis Hopper as ex-Texas Ranger "Lefty" Enright

 

Also throw into the mix DENNIS HOPPER, as former Texas Ranger "Lefty" Enright. He’s the Captain Ahab of the piece,  he’s spent the past decade roaming the state of Texas trying to avenge the death of his nephew whose character was a murdered by the clan in the first film.  Who else but Hopper would be worthy enough to strap on his own chainsaws and to give the clan a taste of their own medicine?  Massacre 2, again directed by Tobe Hooper from a script by L.M. KIT CARSON (always give the writer credit) has really cooked up (pardon the pun) a wild piece of cinema that has really grown in cult status over the years. Also worth mentioning a really soundtrack with artists such as: The Cramps, Oingo Boingo, Concrete Blonde and Stewert Copeland, among others.  So if you get want some good gory Halloween fun, check out TCM2; but you might have second thoughts about eating off a late night food truck?

* On a personal note, I worked with director Tobe Hooper on the film THE TOOLBOX MURDERS 2004. (Hooper shot the whole picture at THE AMBASSADOR HOTEL in Los Angeles, where I worked in its filming department.) Hooper was the nicest, most soft-spoken fellow you'd ever want to meet.

Screenwriter L. M. Kit Carson

CLINT SENDS US TO THE HEREAFTER

On the big screen Clint Eastwood has sent many a varmint to the hereafter to meet his maker, in fact in a couple of his westerns; “High Plains Drifter” and “Pale Rider” he even played avenging gunmen (that by all accounts were ghosts?)… still when I heard about Clint’s current project, I was surprised, but then again as a filmmaker Clint’s always full of surprises… “The Hereafter” is no exception.  Screenwriter Peter Morgan (“Frost/ Nixon” and “The Queen”) has penned a movie that features three stories; a French journalist (Belgium-born actress Cécile de France) who after escaping an amazing  trauma finds herself having strange visions, a young boy (Frankie McLaren) in London who’s desperately looking for answers after his own tragedy and a reluctant American psychic (Matt Damon) who is himself a lost soul of another kind. This is the bare-bones synopsis of the story, so not to give too much away.  

Bryce Dallas Howard and Matt Damon

Cécile de France; My compliments to the chef!

The public’s curiosity of what happens to us after we take our last breath seems to me at a heightened state as of late (I know that as I get older, it is for me) and perhaps it has for the old gunfighter Clint; who I can’t believe is now 80? As he told The Los Angles Times in a recent interview, "The question about what happens after we die is something that we all ask and when I read the script by Peter Morgan it was so intelligent and I knew right away that I wanted to do it.” And perhaps just as strongly the film also tackles the something that many of us have felt and have put way back in our minds; the feeling of grief and loss.

THE MAN

As a filmmaker Clint’s fearless, never being afraid to take his time with his stories; his pictures always have a cool jazz rhythm to them, he directs the way the greats like Charlie Parker or John Coltrane blew their horns (and in fact , Clint once again composes yet another haunting score for the film.)  With a splendid cast of actors (Damon good & sturdy as usual) many whom are unfamiliar faces to American audiences (the gorgeous, De France reminded me how much I love a women with French…well Belgian accents.) That’s all I’m going to say about the picture; except I really enjoyed this one, and I hope Clint "the filmmaker” has many, many more surprises for us.

8 MILLION WAYS TO DIE, THE BLACK MARBLE: LA COPPER: DRUNKEN DOUBLE FEATURE

Police work can make even a good cop an alcoholic, at least in these two good movie gems: THE BLACK MARBLE and 8 MILLION WAYS TO DIE. Both movies based on bestsellers by Joseph Wambaugh and Lawrence Block
respectively.

1980's The Black Marble, (a term used by a suspect, as someone with no luck) is a Wambaugh's version of a love story... a cop love story. Robert Foxworth plays Sgt. A.M. Valnikov, the most Russian cop you'll ever meet on the Hollywood beat; he sings, he dances and he also has a serious "potato juice" drinking problem... if you know what I mean? This cop would make Foster Brooks look like a Mormon (what... dated reference?) Paula Prentiss (I've dug her since WHERE THE BOYS ARE? What another dated reference?) plays Sgt. Natalie Zimmerman  his new no nonsense (& against her wishes) partner, both are divorced and unknowingly longing for a little love. Then there's perhaps the greatest piece of work in The Black Marble... Harry Dean Stanton.  Stanton plays, Philo Skinner a dog groomer who's into his bookie for some serious money, desperate he masterminds (and I use that word "mastermind" very loosely) a dog napping of a popular show dog to get him out of his jam. Stumbling on to this quirky case, it gives Foxworth a chance to put aside some of his demons (along with the possible chance for love with his new partner.)  Prentiss (always great) doesn't disappoint as her tough, icy exterior slowly melts away as she reluctantly gives her heart away to her down on his luck partner. She finds that his drinking is due to memories of a series of torcher murders involving children and the death of his ex-partner. Both are great in this picture and they really bring Wambaugh's characters to life, but as great as they are (and they are) it's the Harry Dean Stanton show, no one plays a desperate character like Harry Dean. The finale between Stanton and Foxworth, in a dog kennel is like no other... it's both hilarious and pathetic. It's a chase scene that's a long way from say; Bullet or Dirty Harry. Directed by Harold Becker who also helmed Wambaugh's more somber piece, THE ONION FIELD, does another great job here, making great use of Hollywood circa 1980. Also look for James Woods in a funny cameo as a street violinist (making this his third Wambaugh film adaptation; The Choir Boys & The Onion Field.)

Los Angeles goes "Miami Vice style" in 8 WAYS TO DIE, is based on the Lawrence Block novel, featuring his popular print, private eye character Matt Scudder. Jeff Bridges gives yet another slam bam performance, as the former sheriff's detective, who's loses his badge (& his family) due to his hard drinking ways. After Bridges hits bottom after a bad drug bust, that forces him to fatally use his weapon on a suspect at the family dinner table, he joins AA. Now sober (one day at a time), he  moonlights as unlicensed a private eye, Bridges suddenly finds himself working for Sunny, a beautiful hooker (the leggy, Alexandra Paul) who's desperate to get out of the business, unfortunately for her, Bridges lets her out of his sight and she soon winds up leaving the business the hard way; dead. Bridges now wrecked with guilt, goes on a black out bender and wakes up in the hospital, barley able to talk or walk. Having failed his client, he knows that he has to get back on the wagon to solve her murder. Bridges, soon finds himself playing a deadly game of chess, with a slick, snow cone loving drug dealer Angel Molonado (in a scene stealing performance by then newcomer Andy Garcia.) Caught in the middle of this 80's noir, is 80's sex symbol Rosanna Arquette, playing another hooker, she's a real tough cookie (or as Bridges calls her "the Pete Rose of the house", because she's what he calls a "player manager.") Bridges and Garcia use Arquette as a ping pong ball that bounces between the two as they try to out smart each other, with her in the middle. The films climax features an intense shootout (reminiscent of the final scene in Howard Hawk's western, RIO BRAVO.) The script was co-written by none other than Oliver Stone and is surprisingly the last film directed (with great zest) by the late, Hal Ashby (who's credits include such 70's classics: Shampoo, Being There, The Last Detail, Bound for Glory, Coming Home and Harold & Maude.) Oddly this great LA crime drama is not yet released on DVD.

Both The Black Marble and 8 Million Ways to Die, feature great Los Angeles film locations that really give you a feel for the city and the times that they were shot.  But after watching these heavy drinking heroes, you might want to have some asprin handy!

RIO CONCHOS: A DAMN MACHO WESTERN!!

Veteran director Gordon Douglas helmed this gritty, two fisted 1964 Twentieth Century Fox western, starring one hell of a great cast; Richard Boone, Stuart Whitman, Tony Franciosa, Jim Brown and Edmond O'Brien. Boone portrays Lassiter, a former Confederate officer who's now settled in Texas. He's a man who hatred for the Indians, might only be rivaled by John Wayne's Ethan Edwards in John Ford's The Searchers. Boone's family was massacred by the Indians and now he spends his days and nights hunting them for revenge. Boone's renegade activities do not go unnoticed by the local military authorities and he's brought in against his will to the local fort. But it turns out that the army wants to recruit him (against his will) to help them find a shipment new rifles that have been hijacked and are now feared on there way to the Indians. The army it turns out suspects that Boone's former commanding officer (O'Brien) may be the culprit in the crime. The bitter loner, Boone is forced to team up with two soldiers; the bourbon voiced Stuart Whitman and the brawny, Jim Brown (the former football star in a great motion picture debut) on the dangerous mission to retrieve the rifles and take down the gunrunners if possible or die trying. Tony Franciosa steals the movie as Martinez, the most double crossing bandito this side of Eli Wallach (and the best man with a knife since Jimmy Coburn in The Magnificent Seven.) An old acquaintance of Boone's, that he runs into while locked up in the brig. Boone saves Franciosa neck from the hangman's noose, by insisting that  come on the mission or it's a deal breaker. With a plot that was a mix of John Wayne's The Comancheros & Robert Aldrich's The Dirty Dozen (that it predates, also featuring Jim Brown) this western really packs a punch. Boone was an actor who's rugged presences was so large that he didn't need a gun, as they say to be tough... he just was.
A macho cult classic, RIO CONCHOS was probibly the most action packed violent western of it's time (and featuring a great rousing score by Jerry Goldsmith.) Sadly it only avalible on VHS, but it occasionally airs on The Fox Movie Channel. Like those missing rifles, it's worth going on the mission to find it.

THE ACADEMY STILL OWES JAMES WOODS AN OSCAR!!

If you only watch one James Woods movie IN YOUR LIFE!... make it Oliver Stone's 1986 epic guerrilla style masterpiece SALVADOR. This gonzo adventure follows a of burnt out photojournalist, Richard Boyle (Woods) and his out of work DJ pal Doc Rock (Jim Belushi, who's never had a part like this again) as they drive the sorriest-looking Mustang convertible ever seen on film down to the killing fields of El Salvador. Woods gives a tour de force performance (as well as being Oscar nominated) as a man who's lost everything in his life, and who's last chance for redemption seems to be only to be found in El Salvador. This film was only Stone's second directing effort, and he gave it everything he had. You feel as if this "crazy bastard" just plooped his actors right into the middle of the real revolution (and I think some of his actors felt that way too?)  This film also featues great supporting performances by John Savage as a samurai war photographer, who'll do anything to "get the shot" and ends up paying the ultimate price for it and the lovely, Cynthia Gibb as an American nun, who's all too sweet & fearless for her own good. Based on actual historical events (including the political assassination of Archbishop Oscar Romero) and loosely based on real-life photojournalist, Richard Boyle exploits (the real Boyle, co-wrote the script with Stone) this film makes no bones of who the bad guys are and history tells us now, that it looks like they were right. The DVD features a great documentary on the film and its turbulence on the set; from Stone scraping everything he had to get the picture made, to the love hate relationship between the director and his star Woods. And even more was interesting was Woods real life animosity for the man that he was portraying in the film. A whole generation has come and gone since the bloody events in this film have happened (approximately 75,000 El Salvadorians were killed between 1980 and1992.) Damn, it just goes to show you, that so many things in the world, never ever change. If you get the chance, do yourself a favor and see SALVADOR, it'll stay with you longer than anything in 3-D.

A MASTER CLASS WITH MARTY ... SCORSESE

I had been wanting to get a copy of a great 1995 British documentary called; A Personal Journey With Martin Scorsese Through American Movies. I remember a special screening at the Director's Guild in Hollywood when I was working there back in the 90's. I had wanted to see it agian, so I  found a vhs copy of it online, for a song (fyi it's available in DVD format also.)  As you might know, "Maestro Marty" is a serious film historian, in fact he's a short walking encyclopedia of cinema with bushy eyebrows. Watching this documenty, that runs over three hours (if he wasn't such a fast talker, it might have been four hours?) makes you feel like you're sitting in a private screening room with the award winning director, as he gives a broad overview of his reflections of the cinema from the silents to the 60's. Scorsese, talks of his love of westerns and film noir. He speaks in awe of the old masters like; John Ford, King Vidor, Howard Hawks, C.B. Demille to name just a few. He thoughtfully reflects on forgotten workhorse directors, who were possibly his greatest influences; Tay Garnett, Andre de Toth, Bob Aldrich and Anthony Mann. So yeah, if you love the art of film, you could take a cinema class at your local city college or you can get a copy of this documentary. You can just sit there with your popcorn  and the master, and watch and listen.

UP IN THE AIR with CLOONEY & CO.

If you would have told me back in the early 90's, when I was working press junkets for ABC and the show ROSEANNE, that George Clooney (a supporting player on the sitcom) was gonna make the jump to major movie star, I would of cocked my head like the RCA Victor dog. Well, that's how the world turned (thank you, Michael Crichton & ER), the actor famous for having a big head (literally) and living the swinging bachelor life has turned out a seamless performance in the new movie, UP IN THE AIR. Playing Ryan Bingham, a man with nothing tying him down (not even a pot bellied pig), he flies across the country firing people for spineless office managers. Not that this gives him any great pleasure, what he really digs is the perks that all his frequent flyer miles gives him, in fact his great goal in life is to be the seventh person who's ever flown ten million miles (and the special engraved credit card that comes with the honor!) Everything seems to being going smooth, until two things knock him off his course. The first being a sexy kindred spirit in travel, Alex. Played by the delectable Verma Farmiga (there's a great hotel room scene, where either Farmiga or her body double is just wearing a neck tie...) and also coming into his life is Anna, played by Natalie Keener, she's a young go-getter who's found a great way to save the company lotsa money, unfortunately it's gonna get in the way of Clooney's/Bingham's grand ten million mile goal. If you love airport terminals and hotel bars, this is the movie for you! This film also boasts an appearance by the great, SAM ELLIOTT (is he in Avatar too?) Directed and co-written by Jason Reitman, it should get many nominations come Oscar time. Even though Clooney is now a rich movie star whom, I think now has a summer palace in North Korea? I hear he likes to party with fellow ladies man, President Kim Jong Il...(anothor fellow with a large head.) GC still has the acting chops to play a charming (if not shallow) bachelor and make you really get into his character (I can only wonder what Roger Moore or David Janssen could have done with this role? This time traveling casting thought will cloud my mind for weeks now!) I actually like George Clooney (maybe for the reason that we're the same age?), in fact, I wish now, that I would have grabbed on to his coattails at ABC, maybe I'd be doing the conga line with him and Kim Jong, right now?

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS

A mysterious gunslinger is out to gun down New York city slickers, the Morgans (Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant) And he'll ride into Hell to do it! Now it's up to a rugged Marshal (Sam Elliott) and his sharpshooter wife (Mary Steenburgen) to protect them. This western drama plays against the backdrop of a town tough as DEADWOOD named (are you ready for this?).... RAY! There's plenty of ridin' & shootin' and even a little lovin' ta boot in this one! Hugh Grant's tenderfoot character is even attacked by a grizzly... Wilfred Brimley (and a bear too!) Okay, it's not TOMBSTONE... this is actually a new romantic comedy about a recently separated married couple, that's forced to relocate into the witness relocation program after they witness a murder. It's a cute, silly little movie to see with your gal on date night. HEY, IT'S GOT SAM ELLIOTT!